How do I tell him what I really want in bed?

women and sex

Ever wonder what every woman you know is really doing in bed? Ever wonder what real women in real bedrooms are doing under the duvet covers? Well, for starters, women, most times, feel pressured about their sex lives. They don’t even know how to tell their partners what they really want in bed. They don’t know how to get that ‘Fifty Shades’ kind of sex instead they simply just persevere with the old school missionary. They fear what he might think of them. They fear that he might leave them for being too commanding or demanding.

I totally understand that kind of pressure because I have also been there… where you are but here’s how we could get out.

Ask yourself, how often do you think about sex? Most women will go with at least once a day; others will go with multiple times a day and some don’t think about sex at all. But your response to this question determines the next, how often do you have sex? And to the best of my knowledge, most women have sex a few times a week because they have other activities crowding their minds and consuming all their energy.

However, my next question today is – would you like to be having more sex or less? I want to believe most of you women want to scream “Yes, more sex” but before you reply, ask yourself again, how can you rate your sex skills? Amazing, above average or do you need help?

If you honestly answer the question above then you will know how to make your sex life even better. For a woman to want to have more sex each week (with same or different partners) also means she’s sure about herself and what she can do in bed. How many people have you been with? Do you ever wish your number were higher or lower? How much orgasms have you had? Did you leave your partner(s) satisfied or begging for more? What sex position do you dig the most?

These questions will help you with what you really want in the bedroom and how you would want it done so you (and him) could get maximum satisfaction.

Asking for more in bed doesn’t have to be a big deal. In fact it doesn’t have to be in an army general kind of way. He’s already there to make you happy so why command him around all because you want to get an orgasm?

Some women become cheerleaders telling their partners what they want in bed. They get really loud every time he does something right. “Yes baby, like that” these women will shout (even their neighbors can hear). It’s their own way of telling their partners how they like it to be done and if the other is smart, he will get it and do it more often.

Others become coaches. They guide their men, play by play, until they achieve an orgasm. This may sound like too much work and /or effort but who ever said working together doesn’t achieve the best results?

Some women boss their men around. This set of women live in the “Master-Slave sex” world where being the dominant subject is the only way they think they can achieve satisfaction. Some men love it but others might run away and never come back. At this point you either stop or get those men who love being dominated.

There’s no specific way to hint a partner how you want sex done, there are several ways. I could say sit him down and have a conversation about how you both could improve your sex lives or go ahead and carry out your personal research and surprise him with what you found. Show him you appreciate his effort. Allow yourself to be vulnerable during sex. Show him what to do or respond to the right moves he makes. Don’t be so shy to tell him (your best friend or sex partner) you like a particular sex position and not the other one. For those who are married, a sex therapy isn’t such a bad idea. Watching porn together isn’t bad as well.

Do you want to go on faking that orgasm, cheating on your partner or masturbating even after sex? At the end of the day, you both want the same thing – a better sex life – as a couple. Who cares how you achieve it?


Writing and producing content is my life! I mean...10 years of working experience can do that, right!? Follow me @joanngomba

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