My dear friend, Eddy is the reason why I am writing this article on something called an old pussy, although I am still trying to wrap my head around what it really means. 

It was a Friday evening and we were about to leave the office to begin an enjoyable weekend. As we lingered around anxiously waiting for the office bus, Eddy and I just began talking on what our weekend was supposed to look like… how freaky were our plans?

Right before our colleague Daniel came to announce in the news rooms that the office bus had arrived, Eddy leaned towards me and said, “Joan, I will really love to bang an old pussy this weekend.” I froze! My brain also stopped working for a second! What the fuck is this dude talking about!? What the hell is an “old pussy?”

Mind you, I was speechless for a minute, trying to figure out what he meant by an old pussy. Was it the vagina of an old woman? Was it a vagina belonging to a girl around 35-45 years old? Was it a pussy wasted by too many dicks for years? Was it a juicy pussy? Who has a old pussy? What the hell was an old pussy for God’s sake!?

As we made our entry into the bus to begin our journey home, I made sure I sat beside my friend Eddy, in order to continue our discussion from where we’d stopped. He knew I was lost. For Joan to be lost on a sex topic was quite amazing for Ed. He had a slightly proud grin on his face.

I began the discussion once we hit the road. “Daniel, you know I will ask you what an old pussy is, right?” He gave me his biggest smile for the day, clapped his hands and shook his head before asking me, “So you haven’t figured it out yet?” I was a little upset why he would hold back such a vital explanation from me. He knew I write on sex and I will be happy to know all about it.

Because he was either feeling reluctant to explain himself to me or was ashamed of speaking on such a topic in the bus carrying many of our colleagues, Ed told me to “Chill, I will tell you later.” With that I really got upset and shut my mouth through the journey. He realized it and began feeling bad. But I just wanted us to talk about what he meant.

Half way through our way back home, he asked me, “Joan are you now not speaking to me because I refuse to explain something you already know about?” I got upset again and kept my mouth shut. But he continued, “Okay, ask me three questions, I promise that I will answer you?”

I was happy again but knew I don’t have to make the first question about the definition of an old pussy. So I asked, “Are you following me home tonight?” Eddy was shocked! “Do you want me to?” he responded. I gave him that look! “It will be my plessure,” he said.

My second question never came because I spent my time stirring at his lips, neck, fingers, eyes, chest and trying to look at the name of every girl who called him. I also spent time listening to his phone conversations and when he finally spoke to me, I was imagining what his voice would sound when he whispers into my ears during the sex we were planning to have later that night.

When we finally got home, took our baths and were lying naked on my bed, breathing heavily from that first round of a freaky Friday night sex, I asked my third question, “Eddy, what’s an old pussy please?”

He rolled off towards my face, held my neck with one of his hands and said, “An old pussy is the pussy that responds to a dick perfectly. It knows what to do, how to do it and gets wet at the right time, stays wet until it rains…and to add, that kind of pussy is usually owned by a woman who is not shy to ask her man what she wants. She demands how to be fucked and turns him on until he cum(s) like five times.”

His last words were said in my mouth as we kicked off round two for the night!